Man and Anger

Sometimes, to be a woman is to be unutterably angry at your own weakness. It is to despise yourself for the ways in which you are not equal to men. Sometimes, womanhood is destruction and pain, and hurt, hurt, hurt. It is frustration at being constantly depended on, and spoken to, and ordered about. It is rage at being weak, and expected to submit, and to keep your mouth shut when power is lashing out. 

How can we bear the raw and vivisecting anger that comes from our burdens? We can often bear it by loving the picture of ourselves that our men give us. Sometimes it is easiest to love ourselves when a good man shows us what he thinks we are.

Some of us do not have good men. Some of us live with men that dislike us, or do not care to understand, or think of us as lesser. 

But I believe that there are many good men, and that men show by their actions and their adorations that we have great effects on them.

The fact of the matter is, we want to be treated gently. We want to be touched lovingly, and handled sensitively, and looked at adoringly. But we want to know that you aren’t acting this way from a lack of power. 

A woman generally wants to know that her man could hurt her, but instead is gentle with her. Not because he's holding himself back, but because the dangerous side of his masculinity dare not show itself when he holds her. That knowledge of the underlying power of a man is balm to a woman’s sense of her own power. It tells us that we matter enough that a man will subdue himself for us; that his sense of tenderness is provoked by our femininity. 

It is a tall order – for a man to simultaneously show his strength and his weakness – I do not think it is something that a boy could do. 

A man’s life begins among women, and if he marries, ends with women. I subscribe to the notion that there is a space in a man’s life, as he becomes adult, where he must prove himself away from the company of women. To re-enter the world of women, a man must prove himself among men. Then he will have the necessary confidence to move among women without becoming womanly. 

In my experience, quiet, self-contained men exhibit the greatest strength. I can imagine the power they contain, and if I watch them at work or at prayer, I know that I am right. They could hurt me, and that is correct. Then I see them smile, or hold a child, or do a delicate task with their big hands, and my heart is moved by their matching capacity for gentleness. 

The tension created by the balance of danger and gentleness in a man is the addictive component to males. A man that is all danger or all gentleness is not as stimulating; he cannot be as exhilarating a partner or father or friend as a man that balances power and sensitivity.

If you are a man who has decided to re-enter the world of femininity and find a woman, remember the balance. Show her that you are dangerous, and powerful, and filled with strength. Then help her understand that you subdue yourself for her; that she inspires gentleness and tender emotions in you.

Because we women are stuck here with you men, it is in our best interest to make the best of the situation. We are all just struggling to show our love to each other in awkward, frustrated ways, and if we keep up the effort, this miserable world might just get a little better.